My 1875 Watt Ionic Ceramic Cord-Keeper

I have a problem with cords. Actually, hoses, tubes, and anything that needs to be wound up for storage. I just plain won't take the time to do it. This goes for the garden hose, the central vacuum hose, and all cords on my hair appliances. I'm in trouble a LOT because of this issue.

At first, DH thought he could train me. But over the years, he's come to realize that I'm a total lost cause. I don't even try anymore. So earlier this week, after months of abusing my blow dryer cord, what he predicted would happen actually did: Sparks flew from the cord and the dryer sizzled and died in my hand. (Fortunately, no hairs were harmed during the incident.)

So yesterday I set out to find a new, ready-to-be-abused blow dryer with extra-long cord. Instead, I found what was surely made for me: a blow dryer with a retractable cord! Aside from the fact that it weighs 50 pounds (I suspect that's due to the "ceramic" innards), with a mere push of a button, the cord disappears.

And that's not all! This new blow dryer came with a diffuser. This is a large, dish-like contraption that fits onto the end of the dryer and disperses the air over one's head rather than in one particular locale. Basically it makes it feel like the dryer is not working. But the most exciting part of the whole deal is that the blow dryer is equipped with...

an ION GENERATOR.

Before yesterday, I didn't know I needed an ion generator in order to dry my hair. But according to the accompanying Styling Guide, "the built-in ion generator creates clouds of negatively charged ions that will help reduce static electricity, control frizzy flyaways, and contribute to your hair's shine."

Now, I remember very little of my high school chemistry (or would that be physics?) class, but I do know that ions have something to do with atoms and electrons. I don't believe they are radioactive. I know that they are very tiny and travel at top speeds. But until yesterday, I didn't know that they could help me with my hair.

So today I opened the box of my new blow dryer, tried out the retractable cord (note to self: unplug cord before pushing the "retract" button), attached the diffuser, and let loose the ions. Around and around my head they flew, at speeds so fast it boggled the mind. I could only imagine the clouds of negatively charged ions tending to every inch of my hair with the skill of a QVC hair stylist.

And when I was done, sure enough, I had no static electricity on my person, and my hair was shiny, smooth, and basically stuck down pretty well.

So here's to retractable cords, diffusers, and ion generators. Better relationships, better hair. I can work with that.