I read a lot of blogs and I'll admit that sometimes they leave me discouraged. I see beautiful projects, tidy homes, organized spaces, LIVES WITH MEANING...and I think:
WHERE AM I GOING WITH MY LIFE?
WHERE AM I GOING WITH MY LIFE?
WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?
Do you ever feel the same? I feel stalled and stuck much of the time, and while I do accomplish some things, I am not sure I'm using my time on earth for the greatest good. It's a question I'm wrestling with a lot these days.
The reason I bring this up is that I always want my blog to be authentic. I want to be honest and write about the things that are on my mind. And I assure you, I'm not all sunshine and roses! I'm not nearly as productive as I'd like to be, and here's a case in point: MY FLOWER GARDENS.
During the summer of 2014, I hired a consultant to sketch out new designs for my garden. I didn't pay a huge amount for this service, but I was pleased with the plans and looking forward to starting on a major re-vamp of my gardens in the summer of 2015.
So what did I accomplish in the summer of 2015?
NOTHING.
Re-doing all of my gardens is a HUGE project and I got a bit hung-up on the scale of a massive overhaul, so I avoided it altogether. In addition, other events (our daughter's graduation in May, moving her back to Bloomington in June, and being "on the ready" all summer to move her again for her new job) made me feel like I couldn't carve out enough time to tackle it.
At one point I thought I'd start on the side garden which is narrow and would be easiest to re-do. Nope. Didn't even do that one.
At one point I thought I'd start on the side garden which is narrow and would be easiest to re-do. Nope. Didn't even do that one.
So this past weekend, I took the hedge trimmers and cut it all down. Honestly, I'm frustrated with myself for letting the whole summer go by without even starting on one phase of this big project. I told myself that I would spend the summer working on the boxes in the basement, and while I made some progress, that project is not done either.
So now I look out into the gardens and I see nothing. It's certainly better than the ugly mess that was there, making me feel guilty for my lack of progress. I'm trying to look at it like a clean slate.
A point for me to remember is that I do not have to wait for "conditions to be perfect" in order to start a project. If I wait for that moment, it may never come and I'll accomplish nothing. It's far better to break a big project down into doable chunks and get started, then let the momentum carry me on to the next phase.
I know this. I just need to apply it to my life!
And my gardens.
Thanks for reading!
jp
1 comment:
I hear you loud and clear, Janet!!!! I often have the same problem with any number of "projects", chores or sometimes even important matters that need tending to. I volley back and forth between blaming this problem of procrastination of sorts on my perfectionism and my ability to become easily overwhelmed with something seeming just too big to tackle. I've felt guilty, condemned and unworthy over many things that I made into mountains that were just mole hills. Little by little I realized I HAVE to let this stuff go, or I'll continue to steal my own joy and contentment away that I deserve in this life! And SO DO YOU!!! I've come to the realization that something I do may not be the perfect way I want it done RIGHT NOW, but it's a beginning to getting it done, and, you're right, the momentum does carry you on throughout the next phases of the project. And hey, if you didn't get your garden done this year, there is always the winter to plan and next spring to get started!! Baby steps. I tell my children, and even myself, slow and steady wins the race. I may not be as fast as the hare, but, like the tortoise (who won the race by the way!), I'll eventually get there, and I'll have enjoyed myself along the way. Focus and determination to just keep moving forward little by little in spite of our shortcomings is really a huge step forward compared to feeling guilty and as a result doing nothing because we feel so bad about what we haven't done! I could go on and on, but just know that you're not alone, and I totally understand where you're coming from! {{HUGS}}
P.S. I have only 1 of the 3 front porch railings painted with the second coat of paint that I started last summer and had every intention of getting done this summer, now that we've FINALLY settled into our new home. I just never got to it, and was feeling so bad until I made up my mind that it's really no big deal. They'll still be there come spring! I'll just have to get to it next year, and it's really something I'm actually now looking forward to doing! It's one small hidden excitement that will help me get through the long winter ahead. ;)
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